Important events

So i guess i'll do an obligatory 9/11 blog entry now, this being the first 9/11 of this blog.

Someone had the great idea of assigning all the COMM 140 classes readings about 9/11 for today.  Because, you know, dwelling on things often helps. 

i remember 9/11.

i was in seventh grade.  That was a pretty long time ago, i feel like.  9/11 happened before a lot of other important events in my life.  It happened before i...

• was in any major drama productions
• started playing jazz on my saxophone
• became a Christian 
• moved to Germany
• started high school
  
• traveled to Israel, Japan, or many of the countries in central Europe
• ever thought about college - i was just getting out of that phase where every son wants to be like his dad and i thought i was going to be in the army

And then there's this one, which i think is a pretty big deal.  9/11 happened before i met any single person i am currently in continuous contact with, other than my family.  i don't talk to, or even remember, a single person in that 7th grade civics class.  When i sat there at Saunders Middle School in Dumfries, VA, calmly thinking, "Hey, i wonder if today was one of the days when my dad had to go to the Pentagon?" i had no idea that years later i would know Jon, Sarah, Bethany, Hatch, Kellie, Sperry, Dan, Lori, Joel, Brittany, Matt, Will, Mereda, Rachel, Wyatt, Kevin, Seth, or Jesus.  My life is completely changed from what it was then, and it has nothing to do with those airplanes. 

What am i saying?  Often i am unsure, but this time i think i'm trying to make some point about how 9/11 is something completely in the past for me.  As far as my own personal life is concerned, i've moved on.  Was it a big deal?  Yes.  Did lots of people die unnecessarily?  Yes.  Are our soldiers still dying overseas?  Yes.  Unnecessarily?  i think maybe so.  For the life of me i still can't figure out just what we're doing in Iraq.  But that's a different thing altogether and i don't know enough to get into it right now.

So let's call this my conclusion.  It was stupid idea to read about 9/11 on 9/11.  It doesn't enhance our understanding of media more than it would on any other day, it just combines that understanding of media with a bunch of twisted memories that for all practical purposes no longer have tangible effects on most of our lives. 

Maybe i'm way off base.  It certainly wouldn't be the first time., and please tell me if you think i'm being an insensitive jerk about this.  But right now, this is what i'm feeling.  Let's move on as best as we can.  i apparently already have without even trying.

The Moral of the Story

i just took a look at msnbc.com and saw a link that asked, "What can men learn from the tortoise?"  My curiosity led me to an article called "Discover the Secret of Slow."  This is what i learned:

Apparently, men are impatient.  We want quick answers to our problems.  If we take our time, slow down a bit, then a lot of things in our lives could be more enjoyable and efficient. 

Oh wait, i didn't actually learn that from the article.  i learned that from life and, you know, living.  But i guess the guy who wrote the article decided he needed to write about it anyway.  He gives all sorts of examples from slowing down when you eat (you'll get full off of less food and lose weight!), to not getting angry so quickly (because when you get angry quickly, other people tend to not take it so well!).  He even took a moment to let us know that if we slow down while having sex, the woman we're with will enjoy it more - fortunately, he takes the time to remind us that if she enjoys it more, there's a better chance of it happening more often, so don't worry guys!  This tip is self-serving too!  (So that we're clear, i don't plan on needing this last piece of advice for a good long while - no ding-ding without the wedding ring.) 

i'm just a little baffled that someone got paid money to write this article.  As if we can't just look around at the world, see how fast everything is moving without benefit, and take that as enough of an indication that we need to back off a bit.  We are an inherently selfish race, we want things quickly, we want them now, and we don't want to share.  Perhaps that's what baffles me so much about this thing.  It says, in effect, that if we don't take our time, our selfishness takes over, gets in the way, and we aren't able to get what we want.  It seems to me that the solution to this problem is to be less selfish.  But the writer disagrees.  He thinks the solution is simply to be as selfish (if not more), but to be slower about it.  Because then our selfishness actually pays off! 

Wow.  The tale of the tortoise and the hare has been around for an awfully long time, and this writer thinks he has finally unlocked the secret moral of the story.  People think our problem is our impatience.  But i'm pretty sure it's not just all in the timing.  If our motivations and desires aren't pure and just and righteous, then it doesn't matter if your actions are fast, slow, or indifferent because the outcome can't possibly be the best available option.

i is just another pronoun.

For a rather long time now, in my journal writing or my note taking, i have been writing the word "i" without capitalizing it.  i am unsure just how this diminished literary self of mine came about, but for whatever reason i quite like it (or i probably would not continue to do it).  i noticed a couple days ago, though, that here in the blogosphere i have continued to capitalize the first person singular.  i'm gonna stop that too.  "i" is not a proper name, it is merely another pronoun and therefore deserves no special treatment as far as i can tell by the rules of grammar.  So i'm going to refer to myself the way it makes sense to me.  In lowercase.  And i guess i thought you should know.

A perfectly normal form of human behavior.

I like to keep things on the down-low. I don't like to advertise my junk. I like to work my stuff out with a few close friends (my inner circle) and once I've worked through it, perhaps I'll relay the information to some other good friends (my outer circle) if it serves a purpose. (NOTE: these circles are not planned or intentionally structured, so their labels are the result of observation, not design. Don't get all uptight if I include you with or exclude you from a given notion of relationship.) Let's call this whole process the result of my INFJ personality.

Seth and Dack are two UNC members of my inner circle. But on Friday they both went away for a Psalm 100 retreat where they would sing songs and get to know the new members of their a cappella group. But that was okay, my circle was still unbroken.

Until Sunday afternoon, when Joel and Wyatt, who I would describe as the other two UNC members of this inner circle, simultaneously decided to go back to their homes to spend the afternoon and night with their families. Well that was all well and good, and I'm glad they got to see their families, but I had just a little bit of an existential crisis. I didn't know what to. I was a little lost, and more than a little confused. I just wasn't quite sure how to function with all four of them away from the campus at the same time. But that was okay, because I found Kevin. Kevin had been planning on going out to a friend's lake house in Hickory for the night, but did not want to drive out there alone. He extended an invitation, I accepted, and off we went to meet Andy, Joseph, Noah, and Mike. We arrived, played some Smash Bros., had us a good time.

And then on Monday, we went out on the lake. Which brings me to my primary story. We went tubing, which consists of holding on very tightly to an inner tube that is being pulled behind a speedboat that Andy is steering like a madman and (I'm convinced) actually trying his hardest to throw you off the tube. And I noticed myself thinking as I observed Kevin or Joesph or Mike out there on that inner tube, occasionally lifted from the water or swung out to the side of the inner tube, barely recovering their strength in time to climb back on a keep going, that this looks like it could only be act of one lacking mental senses. It looks straight up crazy. Why would someone do this? It wasn't particularly painful, not especially unsafe, but nonetheless, surely it wasn't quite sane. Of course, it's easy to have that opinion from the boat. Once you are actually out there on the inner tube, those thoughts of insanity disappear rather quickly and as the engines rev up, you find yourself thinking instead, "Why, this is a perfectly natural form of human behavior."

Sometimes it's the action that seems least beneficial, least acceptable, least intellectually sound, that is in reality the best action to take. Maybe it's the risk, maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's just the company you keep. I don't know what it is, but putting yourself out there in the hands of a crazy man driving a boat, just doing your best to hang on for as long as you can, having no choice but to trust the circumstances and other people, well, that seems like the kind of exhilaration that we don't see enough of nowadays.

Thanks guys. It was a good time.

Unfettered Men

So this is the first of what I think will be at least a few separate posts about the beginning of the year.  The topic of discussion is the small group biblia study I'm leading with Mr. Amazingface, Wyatt Bruton.  Although it is considered by some more boring individuals to be the Olde Campus (Upper and Lower Quads) Men's biblia study with InterVarsity, we all know that it is in fact the Unfettered Men of the Hill.  It was important to Wyatt and me that that idea remained a solid part of the group.  So in our first meeting, we talked a little bit about what we want the group to be, sort of our vision for the guys over the course of the year.  Wyatt put it best by putting it simply: we want to be a Community of Men.  That capital "M" is important, and even provided the inspiration for the title of my last post, because attempting to define Man, rather than just man, is ultimately what we want to do.  What does it mean to be a Godly Man, living in righteousness, following the words of Christ?  Now, this may sound like the premise for an IV LifeGroup, a more topical sort of environment, but it isn't!  It is a biblia study - this semester we're looking at Mark, and part of our goal is to use Christ's life as an example for how to live as a Man.  Hopefully we'll find ample opportunity to create links between Jesus' life and ours, not only in terms of general lifestyle, but also masculinity and brotherhood.

But that's not all we hope to accomplish!  See, that was only the "Men" part, but we're also a Community - pay attention here because this is where the Unfettered part becomes important.  To be Unfettered is to be completely unbound by anything that might be tripping you up - that means that we want the guys in our group to be completely uninhibited in their love for Christ and unashamed in their love for each other.  A guy need guys to talk to, to be vulnerable with.  Not all the time, obviously, just when he's got a problem with his self-esteem.  It can be extremely important at certain times, and we want to make sure we observe those times so that we can ensure that the members of our Community can be free from bindings and shackles and those things that can eat away at us.

So yeah.  Community.  Being there for each other, supporting each other, enjoying each other's company, following Jesus' example in brotherhood.  Men.  Stepping up, being responsible, taking action when action is called for, following Jesus' example in lifestyle and manhood.  That's what we'd like to see happen.  Maybe it won't happen for everyone, maybe it won't happen on the deepest levels, and that's okay.  As long as we are constantly striving to follow Jesus and better understand and help and love our brother, then we'll know that in that striving, we're doing at least one thing right.

Capital "M"

My goodness, this is rather a difficult thing to keep up with now that i'm back at school.  There is so much to write about, I fear my face will quite literally melt with anticipation and/or otherwise excitement.

Consider this post merely a declaration of intent.  I intend to relay the events of the past week or so, including Unfettered Men of the Hill, the minor emotional roller coaster that was a cappella auditions (think Busch Gardens, not Carowinds), an enjoyable trip to a lake house (which did not, in fact, involve Keanu Reeves sending me letters from the past), and perhaps a few other goodies.  We shall see. 

But now the hour grows late and we've tarried here for too long.  Fly, you fools.

From the Top

Whoa. It has most definitely been too long. A lot has been going on, I just haven't found the time to sit down and say something substantial about my own life, let alone think about any topics or issues worthy of commentary.

I moved in about a week ago and got to see most of my friends pretty quickly. I had a birthday. I've been helping out InterVarsity with a bunch of new student welcome sort of stuff, which is so much fun, getting to know the students coming here for the first time, leaving home for the first time, comparing how I was to how they are, answering their questions, and mostly just getting to know them and show them a little bit of love on a campus where it's so easy to feel lost and forgotten in the crowd. Plus, I've been preparing myself mentally and emotionally for co-leading a small group biblia study this year with Wyatt, my friend and brother. Once everything settles down in a few weeks, I think we're gonna have a solid group of guys.

My classes are all gonna be pretty tough - they'll need a lot of concentration and reading - but they're all things that I want to take and that I'm interested in, so hopefully all the work will be worth it. Here's a quick class run-down for anyone interested:

COMM 140 - Media Criticism - basically analyzing media from an intellectual rather than emotional viewpoint (reading text and articles)
COMM 270 - Rhetoric and Social Controversy - I think it's the same idea as 140, but focused more on speeches than on visual formats like film, television, print (reading text and articles).
DRAM 283 - Theatre History/Literature III - focused on drama since 1900, starting with expressionism (lots of reading, plays and text).
RELI 103 - Intro to the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament - taking this with Dr. Ehrman, and I'm really looking forward to learning more about this part of the biblia, since the history often gets overlooked or simplified into "Bible stories" (lots of reading, text and basically the whole Old Testament)
RELI 401 - Elementary Biblical Hebrew - self-explanatory title, an intro level language class looking at ancient Hebrew as it appears in the original texts, not modern Hebrew, so I have to learn to read it, but not speak it. (probably the only class with more busy-work than reading)
PHYA 231 - Beginning Social Dance - basics to several ballroom/social dances, waltz, rumba, cha-cha, tango, swing, foxtrot. I think I'm the only non-senior in the class.
MUSC 211 - at the moment I'm in the men's glee club, but I plan on auditioning for some a cappella groups, and if that works out for the better (like, I get in one), I'll drop this.

So yeah, I'm looking at a busy semester, but I really do think there's gonna be good stuff happening in these classes, so I'm doing my best not to get anxious or worried about what they're gonna look like down the road.

Until something in my environment grabs me by the gut and screams out its desire for my action and input, I just don't have any commentary type stuff to write. I mean, there's probably stuff, but nothing that's really drawing me right now. So I'll let someone else do the writing for me. I read a book earlier this summer with some decent thoughts and passages in it, more of an inspirational sort of thing than a theological or lifestyle type book I was looking for, but that's okay. I found this chapter, and it did grab me by the gut, and I knew that I would be sharing these words with you here, because I knew that I wanted these words to motivate me and encourage me and exist in me as I began this year.

"It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.
In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded y decision to be made and deadlines to be met.
For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is not that I must make a choice. Becuse of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.
I choose love...
No occasion justifies hatred; injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose joy...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes myplace, I'll invite him to do so. Rahter than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignment, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.
I choose gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If i raise my voice may it be only in praise. If i clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If i make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I choose self-control...
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest." -- Max Lucado, When God Whispers Your Name

Much love. Out.

Travelin' Light

So I’m back in America, after a rather annoying trip. I’ll keep what could be a long story short. My Sunday flight from Frankfurt to Washington, DC was fine. I was enjoying my 3 hour layover at Dulles airport when they announced that my flight to Raleigh was cancelled. I had them put me on a flight to Charlotte (where I could have also been picked up). That flight was also cancelled. So they put me on a flight to Raleigh leaving the next morning, rather than that night, because the flight leaving that night was completely booked and had a long standby list. It was about 10PM when I saw the night flight to Raleigh was delayed, and I, not particularly looking forward to spending the night in the airport, decided I would try my luck with the standby list. I was the next to last person let on the plane, which left around 11PM. Through all of this I spent some of my time praying (that I would work out some form of travel plan that was safe and efficient, that I would have food and money enough, that no one would try to steal my stuff, that I would be patient and peaceful as I waited for this thing to work itself out, that my checked bags which were in some sort of airport baggage limbo would make it to Raleigh when I did, and most of all that I would avoid acting like that crazy lady flipping out at customer service because the airline wouldn’t pay for her hotel. Seriously, she needed to chill.), some of my time laughing (because seriously, what else could I do? I think it was after my second flight cancellation that the ordeal stopped being serious and started being just plain comical to me.), some of my time taking pictures and strolling the concourse, and some of my time playing rummy with this girl Emily who was in Intervarsity at the college in Michigan from which she just graduated. All in all, it was more exciting than bothersome because solving problems and working out bad situations is kind of fun for me. Weird, I know, but I can’t help it. I’ve always loved being wrong, loved making mistakes, loved being put in positions where a solution is needed and needed quickly because those are the time when I get to face challenges and grow and learn. It’s cool for me.

My sincerest thanks go out to Seth who picked me up in Raleigh and gave me a place to stay that night, and had to suffer through the many changes to the plan, never knowing just what it was he would be called upon to do until the final phone call which went something like this: "Hey Seth, I’m getting on an airplane right now. Can you pick me up in about and hour and a half? Great, thanks!" He’s a good friend and brother.

Anyway, after an incredibly deep sleep I got to have lunch with Seth and some other close friends of mine (Daniel, Joel, and Wyatt, in alphabetical order), before getting on a train to my grandma’s house. Then today I went to the mall to grab lunch and catch up with yet another great friend, Rachel White, who is amazing. It’s all been so wonderfully overwhelming to get to be back with my friends again, and it’s not even everyone yet!

As I surf the television channels at my grandma’s house, though, I am recalling a few things I didn’t particularly miss about America. There was a commercial that would allow me to have a baby’s voice singing Daniel Powter’s "Bad Day" as my cell phone ringtone, for instance, which seems to me quite simply masochistic. I also saw one of Ben Stein’s Clear Eyes commercials and I thought to myself, "This man had an Emmy award winning game show on Comedy Central. He was a speech-writer for Presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. In 1976 Time magazine speculated that he was Deep Throat, the confidential informant in the Watergate scandal. But boy, my eyes sure are itchy, so thank you Ben Stein for offering me this product."

Not to mention Maury. Today’s show was about married men who pay for sex. There was guest on the show who would take his video camera out into his community and catch men with prostitutes and put the videos on the web so that everyone could know what they had done. Part of me says, "Way to help clean up the streets of your community. You obviously care a great deal about the environment in which your children grow up and you’re doing something pro-active about it." Part of me says, "Seriously? You couldn't find a real job? Or, you know, a life?" And another part of me says, "What about forgiveness? What about privacy? What about loving sinners? Does this actually contribute to solving the systemic problems of men unhappy in their marriages, women unable (or unwilling) to obtain legitimate professions, and the decreasing levels of morality in society today? Or is it just a way to embarrass those men and ruin their marital relationships, put these women in jail where they probably receive no counseling or sincere examples of how to better themselves, and eliminate our cultural immorality on a strictly cosmetic, outward level without addressing the true underlying problems in the lives of these people that lead to their poor choices?"

Unfortunately, I don’t have very good answers to any of these questions, but I’m almost finished reading a book that offers the beginnings of answers. It’s called Kingdom Come, by Allen Wakabayashi. It’s basically about Christ’s more socially based goals such as missional outreach, the appropriate image/behavior of the community of Christ, etc. etc., rather than the individually based goals of living without sin, accepting Jesus into your heart, etc. etc. It’s about how we The Church need to be making a greater effort to present God’s Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven. Once I finish reading it, I’ll be back with some of the things I like and dislike about it, which will hopefully help explain it’s premise and goals a little better than I just did.

Until then, as-salamu alaykum, and rock on in the Olympics, America!

Ameerika Can't Stoppt Me Cuz I'ma Comin Back

I'm leaving the Fatherland tomorrow. I'm getting on a plane and going back to Ameerika (as it was spelled in one of my favorite graffiti messages, in big red letters on the side of a German building: STOPPT AMEERIKA!!!!!). But today I went downtown and took some pictures of old Heidelberg with my new camera. The album is on facebook.

It has been a week since my last post, which is a bit of a long time, but I couldn't think of anything to write. That is, until yesterday, when MTV Deutschland played a video I haven't seen in an awfully long time. Fatboy Slim's "Praise Him." Please please please go watch it here on youtube.

Since you've now watched it (right?), I won't bother summarizing the joyful experience that it is. It is a tremendous celebration of our freedom of expression, the emotional catharsis of dance and movement, and perhaps best of all, an example of people truly comfortable in their own skin doing their own thing on their own terms. It focuses on individuality without focusing on the individual, and therefore avoids narcissism or self-interest. It is simply the self.

That was the first thing I noticed. The second thing(s) I noticed were the lyrics. They are few, so they weren't difficult to pick out:

We've come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should

I have to praise you
I have to praise you
I have to praise you
I have to praise you like I should

And that verse and chorus pretty much just repeat themselves a lot. So part of me wondered, hey, why can't this be a praise & worship song? I don't know. But it seems like it should be. Simple, to the point, all about deflecting attention, acknowledging the best of times and the worst of times. Looks like worship to me.

Anyway, I was particularly struck by this video yesterday, and I thought I'd share it with you.

I'm really looking forward to getting back to the States tomorrow. That is, I'm totally completely incredibly jaw-droppingly ecstatically stoked and pumped and crazy wicked awesomely excited about getting back to the States tomorrow. I mean, hey, much love to Germany, but it's been awfully tough being away from meine freunde this summer, and I can't wait to see them again.

I'll probably be here again once I get back for a sort of summer-in-review thing, tell you what books I've read, which movies I've enjoyed, music I've discovered, that sort of thing. I'm anxious to see what this year is going to look like, what relationships will form and change, what God is going to do in my life, in other lives, on the campus. I've got good feelings, and my flight tomorrow just brings me closer. I'll see you all on the flip side. Peace until then.

All children, except one, grow up.

Peter Pan is a wonderful book. Madly and deeply, it contains incredible truths tucked away in its fantasy because of course, for the child in each of us, fantasy is truth. And good form is the ultimate virtue.