The Moral of the Story

i just took a look at msnbc.com and saw a link that asked, "What can men learn from the tortoise?"  My curiosity led me to an article called "Discover the Secret of Slow."  This is what i learned:

Apparently, men are impatient.  We want quick answers to our problems.  If we take our time, slow down a bit, then a lot of things in our lives could be more enjoyable and efficient. 

Oh wait, i didn't actually learn that from the article.  i learned that from life and, you know, living.  But i guess the guy who wrote the article decided he needed to write about it anyway.  He gives all sorts of examples from slowing down when you eat (you'll get full off of less food and lose weight!), to not getting angry so quickly (because when you get angry quickly, other people tend to not take it so well!).  He even took a moment to let us know that if we slow down while having sex, the woman we're with will enjoy it more - fortunately, he takes the time to remind us that if she enjoys it more, there's a better chance of it happening more often, so don't worry guys!  This tip is self-serving too!  (So that we're clear, i don't plan on needing this last piece of advice for a good long while - no ding-ding without the wedding ring.) 

i'm just a little baffled that someone got paid money to write this article.  As if we can't just look around at the world, see how fast everything is moving without benefit, and take that as enough of an indication that we need to back off a bit.  We are an inherently selfish race, we want things quickly, we want them now, and we don't want to share.  Perhaps that's what baffles me so much about this thing.  It says, in effect, that if we don't take our time, our selfishness takes over, gets in the way, and we aren't able to get what we want.  It seems to me that the solution to this problem is to be less selfish.  But the writer disagrees.  He thinks the solution is simply to be as selfish (if not more), but to be slower about it.  Because then our selfishness actually pays off! 

Wow.  The tale of the tortoise and the hare has been around for an awfully long time, and this writer thinks he has finally unlocked the secret moral of the story.  People think our problem is our impatience.  But i'm pretty sure it's not just all in the timing.  If our motivations and desires aren't pure and just and righteous, then it doesn't matter if your actions are fast, slow, or indifferent because the outcome can't possibly be the best available option.